So as I was jumping up & down various situations both experience and other people’s, in life… I had to research a bit on grief…
Someone can be said to be grief free when thoughts about the events surrounding, and leading up to the loss of someone or something he had held so dear, no longer generate a negative emotional response. Those that feel grief over the loss of anything will eventually recover from grief or will suffer chronic grief requiring professional psychological assistance. There are two primary descriptions of the process of recovering from grief. It can either be loss oriented or restoration oriented.
Loss orientation is an approach to grief recovery that involves working through and processing, some aspect of the loss experience and as a result of this process, breaking emotional bonds to the object lost refers working through, and processing some aspect of the loss experience and as a result of this process, breaking emotional bonds to the subject lost. This process of constructing a series of accounts about the loss gradually provides the loss with meaning and eventually produces a changed viewpoint of the self and the world. Changing the way that an event is interpreted can allow an individual to regulate emotions so that thoughts of the event no longer generate negative emotions. Entrepreneurs with a loss orientation might seek out friends, family, or psychologists to talk about their grief. But they may also focus their thoughts on the time spent in creating and nurturing the business and may ruminate about the circumstances and events surrounding the loss of the biz. It appears that such thoughts could evoke a sense of yearning for the way things used to be or foster a sense of relief that the events surrounding the loss (Eg arguing with family, ex friends) are finally over. While these feelings of relief and pain wax and wane over time, in the early periods of grief, painful memories are likely to dominate.
Restoration oriented grief recovery is based on both avoidance and pro-activeness towards secondary sources of stress arising from the loss of the loved one. For avoidance, it is possible that people can distract themselves from thinking about the loss of someone to speed recovery from grief. Founding a new relationship, which is the main cause of rebound relationships by the way, might enhance recovery from the grief over the loss of the previous partner. However on this one, there is a high possibility of the mistakes earlier will be replicated because these individuals have not sufficiently learnt from the loss.
A restoration orientation is not simply about avoidance, however; it also involves the way that a person attends to the other aspects of their life. Like learning new stuff, coping with daily life et al. it refers to being pro active towards secondary sources of stress instead of being concerned with the stress itself. Such activities enable individuals to distract themselves from thinking about the loss while simultaneously maintaining essential activities necessary for restructuring aspects of their lives. This may apply to an individual who the loss itself generates a negative emotional response which cause income loss – indulgence, loss of social status and increased negative perceptions of self. Eg you have to reorganize yourself & your life to cope without whatever you have lost. In addressing these secondary sources of stress, one is able to eventually reduce the negative emotions associated with thoughts of the events surrounding the loss.
Any of the above ways of grief resolution have their own effects and costs depending on an individual. For example the loss orientation involves confrontation, which is physically and mentally exhausting., whereas a restoration- orientation involves suppression, which requires mental effort and presents potentially adverse consequences for health. Oscillations between the two grief orientations enable a person to obtain the benefits of each and to minimize the costs of maintaining one for too long. This dual process speeds the recovery process which is important because it more quickly reduces the emotional interference with learning.
Starting with a loss orientation provides an individual the ability to first focus on aspects of the loss experience and begin processing information about the business loss as well as breaking the emotional bonds to the individual. When your attention begins to shift from the event to aspects of the grief itself then learning is likely to reduce by emotional interference and the individual should switch to a restoration orientation. Switching to a restoration orientation encourages individuals to think about other aspects of their life. It also breaks the cycle of continually thinking about the symptoms of grief; such thoughts can increase feelings of grief. It also provides the opportunity to address secondary causes of stress which may reduce the emotional significance of the loss. When information processing capacity is no longer focused on the symptoms associated with grief, one can now shift back to a loss orientation and use the information processing capacity to further generate meaning from the loss experience and further reduce emotional significance of the person/ thing.
The combination of these two in grief recovery has several implications. First knowledge that the feelings and reactions being experienced by the entrepreneur are normal for someone dealing with such a loss may help reduce feelings of shame and embarrassment. This in turn encourages someone to articulate her feelings of grief, possible speeding the recovery process. Second, there are psychological and by the entrepreneur are normal for someone dealing with such a loss may help reduce feelings of shame and embarrassment. This in turn encourages someone to articulate her feelings of grief, possible speeding the recovery process. Second, there are psychological and physiological outcomes caused by the feelings associated with grief. Realizing that these are symptoms of grief can reduce secondary sources of stress and may also assist with the choice of treatment. Third there is a process of recovery from grief, which offers individuals some comfort that their current feelings of loss, sadness and helplessness will eventually diminish. Fourth, the recovery and learning process can be enhanced by some degree of oscillation between a loss – and restoration – orientation. Finally, recovery from loss offers and opportunity to increase one’s knowledge of “whatever”, thus providing individual cumulative benefits.
Funny what ‘frustration’ can do to your mind huh? That’s just Calfie…
Grief & Grief Recovery.